Well I've just returned from the outside world - I know my kind are really welcome out there - pretending that I know how to be a conventional sociable human being... yes I can hear the implied sniggering echoing through the vacant corridors of this corner of the internet. It was one of those events where everyone dons their finest outfits and has a good time - even through my 'finest' outfit is generally comprised of mismatched things that don't quite fit properly from various charity shops, bought originally for as a stage costume for one thing or another. Questionable hand-me-downs may not be as posh or fancy as anyone else but they certainly fit my low level peasant budget...
You may have noticed - the few people who do frequent these pages, the number of which I have recently found out is larger than I first assumed, which is a pleasant surprise - any audience is appreciated, and a contented one even more so. Today's post didn't start off dealing with the race and the enthralling events of another high octane race on the streets of Singapore... because there wasn't one. In all seriousness, what on earth was that, a monolithic 2hr marathon was ruined before it even started... it was disappointing and completely anti-climactic At least in Monza the rest of the field were thoroughly entertaining when the lead battle turned into a pointless non-event. I'm sure there are some BTCC races that I need to download instead to restore my faith in the concept of competition. At least things picked up in the final ten minutes or so...
The thing loosely described as a race
It all went completely wrong we even got going - Nico Rosberg, the guy who was supposed to be involved in a 2hr duel with team-mate Hamilton ultimately resulting in some more contact and Toto Wolf's special 'Angry Face' - had an electrical problem. The team kept giving Nico new steering wheels in the hope that would fix the problem - we also saw Nikki Lauda talking to Marco Mattiachi from Ferrari, maybe asking to borrow one of their steering wheels since Mercedes didn't have one that worked. It turned out that the issue was in the wiring loom inside the car, and meant that none of the clever electronic gubbins such as DRS, ERS didn't work, nor did engine mappings, the pit-lane speed limiter or the car's clutch bite-point setting routine... This meant the car couldn't start under its own power, and was demoted to the pit-lane, of course this was race over and they should of just handed the trophy to Lewis and have done with it all frankly. We also lost Kamui Kobayashi on the formation lap, which is more disappointment - no mad street circuit overtaking attempts at the back of the field ether. I was beginning to think what on earth was the point... although that is often my first thought upon waking up anyway...
So surprise of all surprises at the start Hamilton rocketed off to a commanding lead and was never really seen again for the next 90 minutes or so. Fernando Alonso appeared to forget all about turn one and simply cut out turn two altogether - passing both Red Bulls without being anywhere near being inside the track limits. But sensing that he might be under-investigation for abusing the run-off space - in a token gesture he allowed one Red Bull past before turn 6, enough of gesture to make the investigation go away without actually rescinding the placed he gained. Magnussen was also flirting with the track limits in overtaking Valtteri Bottas - but the Dane forfeitted that place when he tried a optimistic move on Jenson Button. Kevin forced both McLarens wide and handed two free spots to Bottas.
Rosberg started from the pit-lane but the car was obviously ruined - each upshift gave him two gears instead of one, the DRS was inoperable, there was no use of the ERS power and the whole car was jammed in energy recovery mode. The end result was that in a straight line both Chilton and Ericsson in the slowest cars on the grid were simply pulling effortlessly away from the championship leader. A series of radio messages highlighted another problem with Nico's afternoon - if the car can't activate the clutch and the speed limiter was ruined... how was a pitstop going to work out... When it was time for the Mercedes to come in for some new tyres, they tried lifting the car to spin the wheels before dropping it, they tried yet another steering wheel, and Nico pressed each of the buttons and switches to no avail. The car was dead and so was Nico's race. So not only were we denied a battle for the lead, we were also denied the opportunity to see a fast car being forced to fight through the field... Could we have anything...
We had to look outside the points for the first actual on-track battle, the spread between cars was rather large, and irritating. But in 10th and 11th we had the two Toro Rosso's ganging up on Kevin Magnussen - Kvyat in the lead attacking position seemed rather reluctant to try and pass the McLaren. Don't really blame him since Magnussen has received penalties in the past two races for pushing people off the track - generally being off track in Singapore means being in the wall. Vergne got on the radio and requested that he was allowed through to attack the Dane, after a couple of fruitless laps for Daniil the Russian let the Frenchman through so he could launch an attack. Just like yesterday the TV director soon forgot all about this little interchange - because some people with bigger paychecks were trundling down the pit-lane for some new tyres...
This flurry of stops meant we got to see some overtaking - even if it was in very easy contrived fashion, cars out of position after stopping for fresh tyres passing those who were still circulating. This mostly involved the of Felipe Massa and Kimi Raikkonen in the middle of the points positions going past Perez and Gutierrez who hadn't stopped yet. Having managed to keep Hamilton in sight for a few laps Sebastian Vettel was informed at his stop that undercutting the Mercedes wasn't going to work and to conserve fuel and tyres instead of going racing. It was a message that was sensible and realistic but at the same time dull and hopeless - but that's how the race as a whole was playing out. In between pictures of Hamilton driving all by himself in the lead and Nico Rosberg wandering around the team garage, we saw glimpses of another battle developing down the order involving Grosjean and Gutierrez. Esteban has had some interesting interactions with the Lotus team - mostly Maldonado however -- this season and this fight could easily have followed suit. But after cutting away to see Alonso pitting and more cinematic garage imagery we saw Esteban Gurtierrez parked in the garage throwing his gloves around and kicking things. Is everything going to fall apart before it gets going today... well yesterday now since it is now after midnight...
With all the stops completed a whole heap of nothing happened, Chilton was recalled to the pits with a puncture, and everyone else just plodded along. It seemed that every radio message handed out was a highlighting a problem or a car failure of some sort, nothing was going right... unless you were Hamilton (cue the conspiracy theories once more). We cycled through another round of pit stops and the running order remained very much the same - with the exception that Alonso managed to jump ahead of Vettel having narrowed the gap in the previous stint. You know something is wrong when you look up to the lap counter which is at less than half distance and - despite the nature of the this specific track- seems like it should be much further along. The cars were so far apart and giving the walls enough of a margin a much needed safety car seemed increasingly unlikely - even on a track with a 100% deployment rate.
Then suddenly hurrah, a safety car - out of nowhere. We see Sergio Perez's front wing explode into, at a rough estimate - a billion billion pieces on the straight between turns 9 and 10. A replay showed that Adrian Sutil squeezed Perez into the wall and caused the wing damage, which then failed on the next straight before exploding. The safety car was needed to clear up the resultant debris. The timing of the safety car effectively ruined everyone's strategy as it was just after a round of stops, and the field bunching up made track position all the more important. This was made worse by the safety car being out for an eternity - on a long track like this the delay seemed inordinately long, even before the lapped cars were waved through. But did this mean there was going to be some action from now to the end following the restart... in a word, no...
The problem was tyres, because all the strategies were now also ruined, like most other aspects of this race frankly everyone was planning on conserving what they had and running to the end. The only driver who couldn't was Hamilton, because he hadn't run both compounds by this stage and as per the regulations had to pit to fit the soft tyres instead of the super softs. So on the restart the plan was simple - drive the car as fast as possible to limit the damage of having to pit later on in the race. A lead of over 27s would mean that he could pit and rejoin in 1st place, this lead was currently 8 tenths of a second... there was work to do. Work it seemed that was well within the pace of the Mercedes - lapping three seconds a lap faster than Vettel in second place just after the restart.
In this second half of the race, a couple of drivers were complaining about issues with the drinks system. Kevin Magnussen had found that his car was turning into an oven - and his drinks bottle was now so warm it was burning his mouth as he tried to drink from it. On the other hand Daniil Kvyat's drinks system had failed completely - and he was 'dying out here' without it - I'm sure if he had a mirror handy a quick glance of the Death Stare would have scared the dehydration right out of him. It felt as if the race was building to something, and frankly it had better be given how minimalistic the first 40 laps had been. Alonso and Ricciardo were closing in Vettel and Hamilton was not pulling away fast enough to clear the field by the time he had to come in for a final stop. The gap was widening because everyone else was running out of tyres - only Alonso stopped under the safety car, and as we saw in qualifying the Ferrari was next to useless on the harder of the two available compounds.
A second train of cars was accumulating behind Valterri Bottas - who like so many others was struggling with tyre wear in the final third of the race. However his immediate challenger - Jenson Button could do nothing about the William. As we have seen many times before the high top speed of the Williams makes it very difficult to pass and the McLaren had no hope of making a pass. A couple of drivers decided it would be good time to pit for new tyres after the safety car in the hope they would come good in the end, Magnussen and Vergne opted for this strategy and Perez was forced onto it as he had to come in for a new front wing under the safety car. This plan was starting to pay dividends, Magnussen had moved into the points after easing past Maldonado for tenth place - no points for the Venezuelan again today, but on the plus side he isn't in the wall or someone else's sidepod for once...
Hamilton did eventually pit but was unable to gap the field and thus rejoined in second place behind Vettel... for some reason the world thought this was a monumental development. The potential for a huge final battle in the closing laps... I suppose after the previous 50 laps you'd hope for anything really. But as a result of having a much faster car on much fresher tyres Lewis simply caught and passed Vettel with almost no effort whatsoever and went back into the lead... job done. But as the race was closing in on a timed conclusion due to the 2hr maximum time limit things started to get interesting in the middle of the points scoring positions.
The queue behind Bottas was now quite large and those cars that had pitted later on had caught up with it - Vergne was on a magnificent charge through the field. He passed Maldonado on the outside of turn six... albeit going outside of the track limits. Every year this part of the road is an annoyance, what on earth is wrong with putting the edge of the track against the wall, it is a street circult after all. What is so special about that extra lane that forbids drivers from using it... Anyway Vergne was given a 5s post race time penalty for the infringement but did it hell stop his rampage. But once again even this was sprinkled with a side serving of disappointment as Jenson Button, one of the faster cars in the group was forced to retire with a technical difficulty. Perez was also in the mix on older tyres dating to the start of the safety car period, duelling with Raikkonen and Bottas on the oldest sets in the queue.
Vergne just breezed up to each car in the train and launched it down the inside, scything past Hulkenberg, then Magnussen - neither of which appeared on camera because we were watching Vettel, Ricciardo and Alonso calmly following each other. Vergne quickly moved onto Perez who was caught out in his battle with Raikkonen meaning another place for the Frenchman into turn 14. As each pass was completed Verge got more bold and was outbraking people from greater distances. He threw it down the inside of Raikkonen in turn one and defiantly stole the position away, moments later he was doing the same thing to Valtteri Bottas starting the pass miles behind the Williams and still claiming the position. It could be argued that none of these cars had any tyre life left to defend, but each pass was precise and without contact or forcing another driver towards the wall. Because the next target was too far up the road Vergne's only remaining goal was to drive far enough away from Bottas and Raikkonen that his penalty incurred when passing Pastor was negated. A task he easily completed.
Bottas' day went from bad to worse, after many laps weathering the pressure from Jenson and then Kimi before losing out to an unstoppable Vergne - the tyre wear became so significant a rear tyre started to deflate and he plummeted out of the points. Almost sliding into the barriers under braking for turn 14 the Williams finally limped home in 11th place.
As a result of the long safety car period and the nature of the track, the race was cut one lap short due to the two hour limit - and at the 75% race distance stage I'd even go so far as to say that the extra lap wouldn't be missed. But the tyre struggles at the opposite end of the points might have developed further if we had that final tour. In the end Hamilton claimed a very easy uncontested victory ahead of Vettel and Ricciardo. Alonso just missed out on the podium in fourth ahead of Felipe Massa who no-one really saw during the race, I had to check the results to make sure he still existed. Sixth place was as high as Vergne's late charge was going to take him, ahead of Perez, Raikkonen, Hulkenberg and Magnussen taking the final, and only point for McLaren.
The Bonus Points Championship Points Winners
Where do I decide to assign points in that, does the race even deserve points... but in the sense of equality they have to be assigned so here are the winners:
- 25pts - Jean-Eric Vergne - By far the most entertaining driver today, receiving two track limits penalties and still finished 6th well done
- 18pts - Marcus Ericsson - Why on earth does Ericsson get points I hear you ask, well the Swede was the victor of the lower team battle - which is probably a miraculous result given how fast Bianchi had been
- 15pts - Sergio Perez - From an exploding front wing to 7th place, not too bad for an afternoon's work
- 12pts - Nico Hulkenberg - Scores some points for pass of the race, round the outside of Maldonado in turn seven
- 10ts - Lewis Hamilton - Suppose winning deserves some recognition, even if it was far too easy
- 8pts - Valtteri Bottas - Held off Raikkonen and Button with ruined tyres and kept is out of the wall at the end.
- 6pts - Kvyat/Magnussen - Score points each for finishing the race in the midst of drink issues and dehydration problems - Kyvat asked to retire but fought on, and Kevin is being treated for heat related issues post race
- 4pts - Sebastian Vettel - Well done for not losing to Ricciardo for once
- 2pts - Pastor Maldonado - Got the Lotus into the points, even if it was only temporary
- 1pt - Angry Cat - Stalked me up the hill after I came back from being 'social' so it appeared I had an evil furry minion...
The Penalty Points Series.
Where, oh where do I begin with this one....
- Mercedes - Well you messed that one up for all of us now didn't you, go home and think about what you did wrong today
- Safety Car - How long does it take to sweep one section of road, seriously
- Adrian Sutil - Pushing people into the wall is not OK, cut that out alright
- Williams - That was clearly some bollocks PR story about pit-lane 'banter' one chap was clearly displeased with another chap and thusly slapped him upon the noggin.
- Singapore Turn 6 track limits - Just move the line to the wall, is that really so hard
- Fernando Alonso - Turn one does exist you know, and only letting Vettel through was a little cheeky gesture to avoid a penalty you passed two cars by cheating not one Mr Alonso.
Looking to Japan
Before I start throwing penalties at anyone else it might be a good time to move on to Japan, and the Suzuka circuit... which is wonderful, how a circuit should be. There is limit room for error, gravel traps and grass lining the edges of the circuit instead of this pansy tarmac that runs all the way to the track limits. Each corner seems to have a purpose and a reason for being outside of a few design parameters lifeless blueprint. But like so many other circuits of its type does have the potential to produce processional races due to the narrow, single line flowing race track. On the other hand many races at Suzuka have been utterly marvellous - the 2005 Japanese GP remains one of the most memorable dry races in which Raikkonen was overtaking on the outside of the famous 130R and then making a last lap pass on Giancarlo Fisichella to take the win. More of that next time out please, and a lot less of what we say today.
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