Pre-Season Update 3: Official Car Release

Greetings Internet,

As per normal things have been a little bland and uninspiring, so that would be a decent cue to inject a little colour into the proceedings - an idea that will make a little more sense later on... But all of the teams now have released their cars, usually in the middle of some massively exuberant presentation, watched over by hundreds of posh VIP type folk and those in possession of some really expensive cameras. It is the sort of event that the Blog is certainly not welcome - as those people are several rungs further up the societal hierarchy - come to think about it, pretty much everyone is further up the societal hierarchy than I am. Which would explain why I'm sitting here on a sofa in the dark, by myself, and the sort of people who get invites are probably off doing something important and making a lot of money in the process. Not that I'm in any way resentful or cynical or anything like that...

Moving on then, since I released the images of the new 2013 car last time out, whenever that was - I lose track of things - some minor changes have been made to that livery, and other things have taken shape. All in preparation for the season starting in only a few weeks time. Now asked the internet for ideas, and thoughts on giving the new car a name - and a few ideas did come through on that, not a massive quantity, but more than one would be massively over-estimating the popularity of this part of the internet. As interesting as those ideas were, in the intervening time a small thought sprang forth one which took hold in a particularly intrigued part of my mind. One fuelled by recent events and encounters, one of great power - and one the serves to occupy an impossible void. Well, most folk who spend this much time in a dark forgotten corner of the internet are allowed to be a little mad, and it is this madness that has powered this latest idea... But that is another rant for another night, and another darkened room - probably one that contains one of those lounging sofas and an inquisitive individual with a clipboard and questionable glasses.

To redirect things away from another chaotic descent into insanity - again - the real reason why this post has been produced and that is my less than cinematic car release video. Last time were the initial images for the vehicle, but now we have the official video, where the car turns the first wheel of its lifetime - for some reason on a public road in the middle of Germany... in 1967. Because a little bit of time-travel never hurt anyone.

 So there you have it, and in that video were the selection of complimentary cars that will be part of the programme in 2013. Because it is so much easier to incarnate some friends, than to actually acquire them, something to do with being in this corner of the internet again... Plus of course collections of polygons and pixels attached to some questionable AI, is a lot easier to get along with than actual... or apparent... humans. Which is why I now have a myriad of cars here is the multi-chromatic spectrum of competition that will be helping to populate the track this year.

might be best to click on this to make it bigger

Of course that is only half of the story, because there is also a small set of cars designed to take the exploratory laps before each event. In extension to the main vehicle taking a starring role in the release video, I've introduced two co-stars to the proceedings. So not only have I created a small army of minions and supporting cast, there are three lead roles in this season's mad charade that is this part of the internet. Because after all if this part of the world is going to be as barren as is has been in the past two seasons -  I may as well trying and enjoy it a little bit more - and enjoyment is a rapidly dwindling concept to start off with.

As you can see, there was a significant lack of imagination that went into the liveries here, I merely reversed the colours on one, and lightened the shade on another. I must have been distracted at the time - perhaps Top Gear was on or something, anyway these three were the first to be developed as the main protagonists. This is what happens when that little voice is allowed to take over, it may help in some conditions but it is not good as painting cars, the concept is a lot more difficult than it seems. At least painting with the computer is a lot more geometry than skill - as demonstrated by the plethora of straight lines and basic shapes that have only ever covered the surfaces of any car in this blog.

So there you have it, the end of proceedings for today, which has been as per normal permeated with the little internal ramblings of a deranged mind. And this is mainly why this part of the internet exists, as a battering ram to pin the little voice back down where it cannot be heard - and F1 is miles better than the realm I get to have a go with. So until next time, this is farewell from me here at Blog HQ.

Pre-Season Update 2: The final car release

Greetings Internet,

Life here at blog HQ has been rather interesting over the past few weeks since the last outburst, I have been on stage once more - not on my local facility but on a much larger scale, in the world premier of 'Thief of Time' in Durham. Naturally of course making it past the auditioning stages was nothing short of miraculous, considering the calibre of the people I was under the lights with, it was only a small part. But it could be seen as the largest scale performance I shall be involved with, so from that perspective it seems a lot more impressive, and of course the rest of the cast truly were - the character of Myria being an exceptional highlight. But as the lights have gone down on that experience and the prospect of a mighty quantity of lines waiting in the wings, it is time to get on with things here in this corner of the internet while there is still time, and before my mind gets completely obliterated by the amount of words it may have to recall in May. A performance which there are plans to take it out into the world, in the first ever theatrical tour - what interesting times we live in at the moment.

So before I go off on another nostalgic rant about the fleeting times in front of an audience, something that I'd forgotten how it looked given the dwindling theatre populous - it is time to redirect things back to why this part of cyberspace exists, besides a space for me to rant to myself in complete isolation. For the second pre-season testing session of the year has started in the rather sunnier climes of Barcelona, whatever sun is anyway, seems a lot like an mythical concept in the northern reaches of this part of the world. Therefore I shall use this cue to cover the remaining points before having to put the site in order before things kick of in Australia.

credit to F1Fanatic.co,uk for the image

The first order of business is that the final car release of the 2013 season (well the penultimate release, but we'll get to that later) has been announced, the Williams FW35. From the initial pictures it would seem that the team have bought their car from IKEA and forgotten to add some of the parts in the box. Because there is a distinct lack of bodywork and anything of a mechanical nature at the rear of the car in front of the rear wing. It looks a little flimsy back there, and exposed to being hit by Frenchmen driving black and beige cars, however at least the front of the car looks a lot more substantial. Which considering that Maldonado will be driving this car this year, and will be the end of the car he'll be ramming people with. I'm not too sure whether it is the image and filtering, but the metallic, reflective colour looks rather decent, a little different to the plain matte finish of last season. I find this car a little questionable in terms of design, and piloted in one seat by a lunatic, and an unknown quantity in Valtteri Bottas in the other. But the mid-field battle is starting to look even more interesting, with the team of pure darkness - Sauber, Torro Rosso - who are armed with the sharpest nose ever, and Force India who are auditioning for Di Resta's friend for the season. Speaking of which...

Will Di Resta be lonely for much longer

After Marussia caught up to Caterham in the Jerez test, the loneliest place on the grid - aside from the cold and solitary darkness of blog HQ - is the Force India garage. Because still at this stage the Scot has no friends to sit in the other car on the other side of the stall, the list of candidates has fluctuated immensely under the pressure of media speculation throughout the winter. But now as the teams arrive in Spain at Catalunya the list would appear to have been shortened to two candidates who will be driving the car during the test. 

• Adrian Sutil - Sutil has been with the team since the Spyker days and has had moments of great speed and ability - but went missing from the world of F1 after he beat up some people in china, because apparently that is not the done thing to do in nightclubs - whatever they are anyway. He is now in the list for a return alongside...
• Jules Bianchi - A GP2 graduate and part of the Ferrari driver development program, and was released from testing duties with the red team in favour of Pedro De La Rosa. It was assumed the move was to pave a way for Bianchi to get the space in Force India to gain track experience with an mid-grid team. Because that is where all the fun is.

In weighing the two up, we have one driver with a proven record and was on course to take major points in Monaco 2008 if Raikkonen hadn't binned him from 4th at the chicane. Sutil is quick, but is prone to moments of madness, bouncing of all kinds of people in the opening race in Korea in 2010. Although the idea of putting him on the same grid as Maldonado and Grosjean does have a certain air of anticipation for some mayhem from time to time. While on the other hand we have an unknown quantity of Bianchi, who has been quick in the support categories, but the competition there is as financially biased as it is in the main game so making an assessment is not really possible in comparison to Sutil. Of the two I know who I'd want in the squad, and think it would make for a more dynamic mid-pack race.

I mentioned another car release

As some of you may know, the blog has it's own vehicle, for pottering around the tracks before the race, in a largely un-viewed illustration video. As it is the beginning of a new season it would be nice to unveil the new car for the year - the successor to the Minardi PS05 used throughout 2012 - with the odd exception where other cars stood in. This season I have stepped things up a little, actually finding something a little more competitive than a back row contender...

 This 2013 car is a 2009 Red Bull - so in theory it should be a lot faster than the others that the blog has been using so far, will that make a difference on the lap times and general driving ability that any preview videos will demonstrate. Well perhaps not, because It'll still end up in the barrier, shedding wheels in a myriad of different directions. This car - was one of the first cars that the German bloke decided to name, the launched RB5 chassis used in testing was given the name 'Kate'. So that gave me an idea, it would be nice to name the 2013 car something other than 'the blogmobile'  as that has lost the novelty factor - I have a couple of ideas, but I think I shall open it up to the floor to see if anyone has any better ones. There may even be bonus points in it for anyone who does come up with something interesting. So while that is decided, this is farewell from me here in the darkened corner that is Blog HQ.

Pre-Season Update: Car Releases Everywhere

Greetings Internet,

The first tests of the year are underway over in Spain - over the first two days McLaren and Lotus have been the fastest teams. But in all reality the times we are seeing are probably not going to mean a whole lot when things get started properly in Australia, those people who are running off to the betting shop and throwing all kinds of money on Button and Grosjean to walk to the title will never see their money ever again. What the opening weekend of pre-season testing does provide however is the first glance at what the teams have been developing over the winter, and perhaps some rough estimation of a general order. For example Marussia have been a constant two seconds off the back of the entire grid - so things do not look particularly promising. Especially considering that HRT have vanished, and the vague rumour of 'Scorpion GP' has faded into the mysticism from whence it came, Marussia have no-one to race back there. I can gradually hear the opening bars of Kim Jong Il's 'I'm so ronery' sweeping through the garage, precluding what could be a dire season.

Moving on from the gloomy isolated realm at the bottom of the grid, this latest post is aimed at going through the new models that have arrived for the first test of the season.

New Cars of 2013

Red Bull have gone purple, which is probably the biggest change on the car. Well if it isn't broken, there is nothing to fix, and Adrian Newey could make a coffee table a race winning entry. Flurries of internal rumours always cover the roles of Vettel and Webber and relative equality. Nothing seems too different on the surface, but it can be safely assumed that in the maze of corporate secrecy, there is something going on. Something that would probably lead to that German bloke winning again...

The 2012 Ferrari was an abomination, looked appalling and didn't drive any better. Yet somehow Alonso won races and Felipe took the bonus points championship. This chassis is a massive improvement, and looks impressive. Ferrari are borrowing Toyota's wind tunnel now rather than the reduced scale in house approach. Perhaps a little early to declare Fernando the 2013 champion...

Having lost Hamilton to another silver car, McLaren have imported One-Stop Perez as a replacement. Button on the other hand lead the first day of testing, so early indications that this is another rather quick car. If lewis has taken all the reliability gremlins to Germany with him then this car could be immediately on the pace with Ferrari and Red Bull, and interestingly some resurgent pace from Lotus.

We've already seen Lotus' 2013 evolution of the car - the E21, like McLaren it has shown some preliminary pace. Even before Kimi has been placed in the car. Again this is not much of a change from the last entry from the team, but the folk at Endstone have set themselves some high targets of finishing in the top three teams at the end of the season. The vagaries of the Jerez times suggest that this may be plausible.

This what the Mercedes is supposed to look like, but Hamilton has placed his in the barrier so it is now misshapen. As with so many of the other cars, the livery and design remains identical, with the remodelling of the nose for the vanity panel. Having seen their fancy DRS system not produce the advantage they hoped, focussing on the car as a whole might help. If Lewis can keep all the wheels on it this time.

This is the Force India with Paul Di Resta who presently has no friends, the team haven't given him one yet. A completely random name in the form of James Rossiter has been in the car in testing but there is apparently a long list lining up for the second seat. Including Sutil, Bianchi, and Kobayashi. The car itself has been quick in testing, not that anything can be deduced from that, but whoever has enough money will have a decent car to play with this season.

The people over at Sauber have run out of white paint and gone for a more sinister livery this year, as they have gone to the dark side. Which actually looks cool. Additionally Sauber have a unique nose solution creating a stepped vent in the slope, something in between the steps of 2012 and the vanity panel lots of people have taken. Perhaps they are onto something, harnessing the power of darkness into a car powered by pure evil. Firing Kobayashi was a bad move, but this goes some way in forgiving that action.

Torro Rosso have dubbed their new entry the STR8 - catering to a younger market with that. Also they've released the sharpest nosecone in all of history, hoping to impale the competition instead. Not sure why they've attached a blade to the front of the car, but maybe it'll work - not that the testing data corroborates that theory. Sticking with Ricciardo and Vergne STR have one of the more consistent line-ups, so if stabbing everyone fails, there is a change trying to apply pace, maybe a little bit.

Despite having the slowest car in testing by a large margin, Marussia have come up with a nice looking car. As it happens, one of the few teams to redesign the car significantly the early rewards have not been very successful at all. Piloted by a lot of money named Chilton, and the recently revealed Luis Razia from GP2 in the other car, doesn't look like changing that. Destined to a life alone at the back - yet still managing to have more friends than Di Resta at Force India.

The final release belongs to Caterham, who apparently forgot to make a car and left the old one outside. The colours have faded in the sun and no really changes have been taken into effect. Pic was announced last year, but before the first test it was confirmed that Kovalainen had been fired and replaced. Meaning that the entire back of the grid is to be filled with people who are predominantly there due to funding. It's disturbing yet inevitable, so don't expect too much of an improvement over the course of the year.


There is one omission from this list, which is Willams, who haven't released a 2013 car, and have been turning up to testing with the 2012 version painted to look like the planned new release. Which is to say there is virtually no difference, dominated in part by Maldonado's funding from Venezuela. One the whole only The Sauber Empire have made a marked change to the livery, as they slide into the dark side.

Other things. 

Last time there was some speculation that there would be a replacement 20th race, since New Jersey wasn't ready to host the race - the event of Hurricane Sandy has further dented that race. There was also issues surrounding the German GP, but that has now been settled to be held at the Nurburgring, where it was supposed to happen. The only other track news is that Sochi is on target to host the first ever Russian GP in 2014, brining the total up to 20 races - which does call into question which race is going to go missing if New Jersey is also going to be on the calendar as well. The finger of doubt is wavering towards Spain and Germany, and hopefully not Belgium - because Spa is awesome.

Work has started on designing the 2013 blogmobile livery, and that does mean that chassis has been chosen and draft liveries have been developed. There is a small section of the template which refuses to co-operate so I shall depart now and work on that, so until next time this is farewell from the blog.