Y'arr upon the day when all mateys parler in the piratical tongue, it be rather fitting that the mighty crews and thar vessels set sail for the most piratical port on the map. Across the open waters through the spyglass lies an ocean of tarmac an' concrete waves waiting to send those who stray offline straight to Davey Jones' locker. When we dropped anchor here this time last season thar was much turbulence in the seas o' the paddock, stories of pirates make to walk the plank, marooned from thar crews lookin' for a new flag to sail under. Today the waters are much calmer, but thar be an uneasy silent breeze in the air as an old scallywag steps back up to the helm.
Capt'n Bernie was facing the brig for misuse of his doubloons and pieces of eight, but through striking an accord - with more doubloons - he be free to roam the seas once more. Capt'n Bernie set a course to plunder the twitterings between crews and thar First Mateys - he be monitoring the bottled messages and forbidding those regarrrdin keeping yer vessel afloat. These sanctions arrr supposed to stop yer pirates an' other mateys from telling yer Capt'n how to sail his galleon. Things like "change yer heading" or "Set yer main-sail to position four" be cast aside, but Capt'n Bernie and his mateys aboard the good ship 'FIA' got all lilly-livered an they be retreating on thar scrolls this morning. Thar sanctions be lifted err so slightly, ship-to-shore messagin' still forbids navigation an' positionin' thar other crews, but things like "Yer anchor be too slack" or "Set yer midden-mast to starboard map 6" be back on the table - for now.
Thar be other turbulent goings on aboard the Ferrari Galleon, where piratical overlord Capt'n Di Montezemelo has hung up his pirate hat and given up on a life of Piracy with his crew. Struggles with a slow vessel and one pirate a long way behind the other have spawned many a rumour - will First Mate Alonso jump ship to a faster crew, and thar be many mateys writing bottled messages asking to come aboard if the First Mate walks the plank. Thar be Hulkenberg an' Bianchi at the head of the line, an' who knows if Second Mate Raikkonen will stay aboard as well. But for now thar is the more pressing matter of who can mutiny and overthrow the Mercedes crew from atop the championship's crows nest and claim the glittering booty under the mechanical lights of Singapore.
Yer Tresure Map
Before me keyboard catches scurvy, I be putting thar hat of piratical parle aside for the moment. I must say this pirate stuff was a lot easier last season, but never mind. The Singapore circuit is one that divides opinion across the world, some say it is a needless gimmicky collection of 90 degree corners more about improving the show than fuelling the sport. On the other hand it is a wondrous event underneath the floodlights often fuelled with action and adventure throughout.
Looking at the track however and you can sort of see where the negative comments come from (those people should have a look at the Beijing street course used for Formula E last week - that was a terrible design). In some cases the amount of corners is excessive, and a bit repetitive - the final sector being a prime example. But what it does leave us with is the longest race of the season, which is a stark contrast to last race which is the shortest and fastest of the year. One novel feature of the track, aside from a corner which goes underneath the grandstands is the colour coordinated walls. Each sector of the lap is painted a different colour, so you know where you are - the next step of course is to paint on corner numbers too. I think is it an idea that Valencia should have used, and certainly would work at the new Sochi track in Russia which at the moment does look a little colourless as preparations continue.
The first part of the lap is the only permanent aspect of the track, with some slight undulation as the track falls away slightly through the first three corners. On the exit of turn three the cars are released into the city through the medium speed turn four, this is an important corner as it leads onto the main DRS straight. I assume most of the overtaking and probably crashing will be done at the end of this straight - it is nice to designate somewhere for Maldonado to do what he does best. In many respects it is a relief that GP2 aren't here given how erratic Canamasas has been, so much so that he prompted a very strong blog post from commentator Will Buxton calling for every sanction under the sun. He even went as far as considering cutting ties with the sport to avoid having to commentate on a potentially severe incident involving the infamous driver. But I digress.
Sector two used to be the home of another polarising feature of the turn 10 chicane - it was a horrible corner, it was a clumsy sequence with massive curbs. Many drivers have been fired into the wall after taking a trip through the air - not as much of a trip as Squadron Leader Heidfeld took in China however, demonstrating the dangers of these new large curbs. As of last season the terrible chicane was replaced, a collective hurrah echoed through the racing world... until we saw the replacement. Here was a section that could be improved with a faster corner given how wide the area is, leading into the chicane before the Andersson bridge. But instead what we got is another generic almost 90 degree corner like many others around the lap, thus replacing terrible and unusual with bland and dull.... you just can't win sometimes.
After the long straight at Esplanade Drive the final sector begins, and it is this sector most people have a problem with (apart from the final corner) because it seems a little too contrived. Just like Abu-Dhabi's hotel section, we have an excessive amount of corners because it seems like the designer wanted to shoehorn a novelty feature into the layout. The grandstand over the track concept, which in fairness is a nice touch, requires six consecutive 90 degree corners to make work. Because the cars have to be moved onto the road that passes under the stands, make the turn under the stands and then cross back out on the outer road. The tunnel turn however does have a tendency to cause safety car periods which can mix things up a bit. To round off the lap there is the magnificent double apexed final turn which for a street circuit is pleasantly fast, again with little room for error on the exit.
Thar Capt'n's Log
I think that it is time to put on the hypothetical pirate hat once more, Arr! That's better now. At present the Mercedes crew have the wind at thar backs and a very swift vessel at thar beck'n call that can sail through the most tormented seas and come out the other side in the lead. The port o' Singapore saw Shipmate Sebastian make the rest of the grid look cabin boys with an unassailable advantage. I foresee that the same will happen this weekend - unless of course thar be another mutiny within the crew - mateys Hamilton an' Rosberg have fired shots across each others bows since the Belgian incident. Another skirmish could see them squander the loot, and Capt'n Wolf may be throwin' em overboard. Elsewhere the Williams crew and the eternal party ship Red Bull might steal the booty if the scallywags at Mercedes go to war once more.
In the tormented squall of the mid-field, Toro Rosso should sail clear of the opposition. Sauber still be struggling with a little extra ballast in the hull of their vessel and the chances of any doubloons on Sunday be more than a long shot. As for Lotus, thar twitterings o' the 'lectric parrot be full of hope for a better time of it than in Italy. But this afternoon scallywag Maldonado appeared to catch scurvy and scuttled his ship against the concrete turn ten wall in second practice.
Back in the meagre doldrums at the rear of the field Marussia an' thar dinghy seem to have the beatin's o' those mateys in the neighbouring dock. At least in the hands of First Mate Bianchi's case, financeer deckhand Chilton will need to keep a spyglass pointed off stern for the marauding Caterhams will be much closer in attendance.
Y'arr it promises to be a grand weekend, one best served in the company o' piratical wenches and plenty of booty, and loot too. This galleon may be marooned, but watching thar crews do battle on the city streets is all but the next best thing.
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