Round 14: Singapore 2014 - Review

Greetings Internet, 

Well I've just returned from the outside world - I know my kind are really welcome out there - pretending that I know how to be a conventional sociable human being... yes I can hear the implied sniggering echoing through the vacant corridors of this corner of the internet. It was one of those events where everyone dons their finest outfits and has a good time - even through my 'finest' outfit is generally comprised of mismatched things that don't quite fit properly from various charity shops, bought originally for as a stage costume for one thing or another. Questionable hand-me-downs may not be as posh or fancy as anyone else but they certainly fit my low level peasant budget...

You may have noticed - the few people who do frequent these pages, the number of which I have recently found out is larger than I first assumed, which is a pleasant surprise - any audience is appreciated, and a contented one even more so. Today's post didn't start off dealing with the race and the enthralling events of another high octane race on the streets of Singapore... because there wasn't one. In all seriousness, what on earth was that, a monolithic 2hr marathon was ruined before it even started... it was disappointing and completely anti-climactic At least in Monza the rest of the field were thoroughly entertaining when the lead battle turned into a pointless non-event. I'm sure there are some BTCC races that I need to download instead to restore my faith in the concept of competition. At least things picked up in the final ten minutes or so...

The thing loosely described as a race

It all went completely wrong we even got going - Nico Rosberg, the guy who was supposed to be involved in a 2hr duel with team-mate Hamilton ultimately resulting in some more contact and Toto Wolf's special 'Angry Face' - had an electrical problem. The team kept giving Nico new steering wheels in the hope that would fix the problem - we also saw Nikki Lauda talking to Marco Mattiachi from Ferrari, maybe asking to borrow one of their steering wheels since Mercedes didn't have one that worked. It turned out that the issue was in the wiring loom inside the car, and meant that none of the clever electronic gubbins such as DRS, ERS didn't work, nor did engine mappings, the pit-lane speed limiter or the car's clutch bite-point setting routine... This meant the car couldn't start under its own power, and was demoted to the pit-lane, of course this was race over and they should of just handed the trophy to Lewis and have done with it all frankly. We also lost Kamui Kobayashi on the formation lap, which is more disappointment - no mad street circuit overtaking attempts at the back of the field ether. I was beginning to think what on earth was the point... although that is often my first thought upon waking up anyway...

So surprise of all surprises at the start Hamilton rocketed off to a commanding lead and was never really seen again for the next 90 minutes or so. Fernando Alonso appeared to forget all about turn one and simply cut out turn two altogether - passing both Red Bulls without being anywhere near being inside the track limits. But sensing that he might be under-investigation for abusing the run-off space - in a token gesture he allowed one Red Bull past before turn 6, enough of gesture to make the investigation go away without actually rescinding the placed he gained. Magnussen was also flirting with the track limits in overtaking Valtteri Bottas - but the Dane forfeitted that place when he tried a optimistic move on Jenson Button. Kevin forced both McLarens wide and handed two free spots to Bottas.

Rosberg started from the pit-lane but the car was obviously ruined - each upshift gave him two gears instead of one, the DRS was inoperable, there was no use of the ERS power and the whole car was jammed in energy recovery mode. The end result was that in a straight line both Chilton and Ericsson in the slowest cars on the grid were simply pulling effortlessly away from the championship leader. A series of radio messages highlighted another problem with Nico's afternoon - if the car can't activate the clutch and the speed limiter was ruined... how was a pitstop going to work out... When it was time for the Mercedes to come in for some new tyres, they tried lifting the car to spin the wheels before dropping it, they tried yet another steering wheel, and Nico pressed each of the buttons and switches to no avail. The car was dead and so was Nico's race. So not only were we denied a battle for the lead, we were also denied the opportunity to see a fast car being forced to fight through the field... Could we have anything...

We had to look outside the points for the first actual on-track battle, the spread between cars was rather large, and irritating. But in 10th and 11th we had the two Toro Rosso's ganging up on Kevin Magnussen - Kvyat in the lead attacking position seemed rather reluctant to try and pass the McLaren. Don't really blame him since Magnussen has received penalties in the past two races for pushing people off the track - generally being off track in Singapore means being in the wall. Vergne got on the radio and requested that he was allowed through to attack the Dane, after a couple of fruitless laps for Daniil the Russian let the Frenchman through so he could launch an attack. Just like yesterday the TV director soon forgot all about this little interchange - because some people with bigger paychecks were trundling down the pit-lane for some new tyres...

This flurry of stops meant we got to see some overtaking - even if it was in very easy contrived fashion, cars out of position after stopping for fresh tyres passing those who were still circulating. This mostly involved the of Felipe Massa and Kimi Raikkonen in the middle of the points positions going past Perez and Gutierrez who hadn't stopped yet. Having managed to keep Hamilton in sight for a few laps Sebastian Vettel was informed at his stop that undercutting the Mercedes wasn't going to work and to conserve fuel and tyres instead of going racing. It was a message that was sensible and realistic but at the same time dull and hopeless - but that's how the race as a whole was playing out. In between pictures of Hamilton driving all by himself in the lead and Nico Rosberg wandering around the team garage, we saw glimpses of another battle developing down the order involving Grosjean and Gutierrez. Esteban has had some interesting interactions with the Lotus team - mostly Maldonado however -- this season and this fight could easily have followed suit. But after cutting away to see Alonso pitting and more cinematic garage imagery we saw Esteban Gurtierrez parked in the garage throwing his gloves around and kicking things. Is everything going to fall apart before it gets going today... well yesterday now since it is now after midnight...

With all the stops completed a whole heap of nothing happened, Chilton was recalled to the pits with a puncture, and everyone else just plodded along. It seemed that every radio message handed out was a highlighting a problem or a car failure of some sort, nothing was going right... unless you were Hamilton (cue the conspiracy theories once more). We cycled through another round of pit stops and the running order remained very much the same - with the exception that Alonso managed to jump ahead of Vettel having narrowed the gap in the previous stint. You know something is wrong when you look up to the lap counter which is at less than half distance and - despite the nature of the this specific track- seems like it should be much further along. The cars were so far apart and giving the walls enough of a margin a much needed safety car seemed increasingly unlikely - even on a track with a 100% deployment rate.

Then suddenly hurrah, a safety car - out of nowhere. We see Sergio Perez's front wing explode into, at a rough estimate - a billion billion pieces on the straight between turns 9 and 10. A replay showed that Adrian Sutil squeezed Perez into the wall and caused the wing damage, which then failed on the next straight before exploding. The safety car was needed to clear up the resultant debris. The timing of the safety car effectively ruined everyone's strategy as it was just after a round of stops, and the field bunching up made track position all the more important. This was made worse by the safety car being out for an eternity - on a long track like this the delay seemed inordinately long, even before the lapped cars were waved through. But did this mean there was going to be some action from now to the end following the restart... in a word, no...

The problem was tyres, because all the strategies were now also ruined, like most other aspects of this race frankly everyone was planning on conserving what they had and running to the end. The only driver who couldn't was Hamilton, because he hadn't run both compounds by this stage and as per the regulations had to pit to fit the soft tyres instead of the super softs. So on the restart the plan was simple - drive the car as fast as possible to limit the damage of having to pit later on in the race. A lead of over 27s would mean that he could pit and rejoin in 1st place, this lead was currently 8 tenths of a second... there was work to do. Work it seemed that was well within the pace of the Mercedes - lapping three seconds a lap faster than Vettel in second place just after the restart.

In this second half of the race, a couple of drivers were complaining about issues with the drinks system. Kevin Magnussen had found that his car was turning into an oven - and his drinks bottle was now so warm it was burning his mouth as he tried to drink from it. On the other hand Daniil Kvyat's drinks system had failed completely - and he was 'dying out here' without it - I'm sure if he had a mirror handy a quick glance of the Death Stare would have scared the dehydration right out of him. It felt as if the race was building to something, and frankly it had better be given how minimalistic the first 40 laps had been. Alonso and Ricciardo were closing in Vettel and Hamilton was not pulling away fast enough to clear the field by the time he had to come in for a final stop. The gap was widening because everyone else was running out of tyres - only Alonso stopped under the safety car, and as we saw in qualifying the Ferrari was next to useless on the harder of the two available compounds.

A second train of cars was accumulating behind Valterri Bottas - who like so many others was struggling with tyre wear in the final third of the race. However his immediate challenger - Jenson Button could do nothing about the William. As we have seen many times before the high top speed of the Williams makes it very difficult to pass and the McLaren had no hope of making a pass. A couple of drivers decided it would be good time to pit for new tyres after the safety car in the hope they would come good in the end, Magnussen and Vergne opted for this strategy and Perez was forced onto it as he had to come in for a new front wing under the safety car. This plan was starting to pay dividends, Magnussen had moved into the points after easing past Maldonado for tenth place - no points for the Venezuelan again today, but on the plus side he isn't in the wall or someone else's sidepod for once... 

Hamilton did eventually pit but was unable to gap the field and thus rejoined in second place behind Vettel... for some reason the world thought this was a monumental development. The potential for a huge final battle in the closing laps... I suppose after the previous 50 laps you'd hope for anything really. But as a result of having a much faster car on much fresher tyres Lewis simply caught and passed Vettel with almost no effort whatsoever and went back into the lead... job done. But as the race was closing in on a timed conclusion due to the 2hr maximum time limit things started to get interesting in the middle of the points scoring positions.

The queue behind Bottas was now quite large and those cars that had pitted later on had caught up with it - Vergne was on a magnificent charge through the field. He passed Maldonado on the outside of turn six... albeit going outside of the track limits. Every year this part of the road is an annoyance, what on earth is wrong with putting the edge of the track against the wall, it is a street circult after all. What is so special about that extra lane that forbids drivers from using it... Anyway Vergne was given a 5s post race time penalty for the infringement but did it hell stop his rampage. But once again even this was sprinkled with a side serving of disappointment as Jenson Button, one of the faster cars in the group was forced to retire with a technical difficulty. Perez was also in the mix on older tyres dating to the start of the safety car period, duelling with Raikkonen and Bottas on the oldest sets in the queue.

Vergne just breezed up to each car in the train and launched it down the inside, scything past Hulkenberg, then Magnussen - neither of which appeared on camera because we were watching Vettel, Ricciardo and Alonso calmly following each other. Vergne quickly moved onto Perez who was caught out in his battle with Raikkonen meaning another place for the Frenchman into turn 14. As each pass was completed Verge got more bold and was outbraking people from greater distances. He threw it down the inside of Raikkonen in turn one and defiantly stole the position away, moments later he was doing the same thing to Valtteri Bottas starting the pass miles behind the Williams and still claiming the position. It could be argued that none of these cars had any tyre life left to defend, but each pass was precise and without contact or forcing another driver towards the wall. Because the next target was too far up the road Vergne's only remaining goal was to drive far enough away from Bottas and Raikkonen that his penalty incurred when passing Pastor was negated. A task he easily completed.

Bottas' day went from bad to worse, after many laps weathering the pressure from Jenson and then Kimi before losing out to an unstoppable Vergne - the tyre wear became so significant a rear tyre started to deflate and he plummeted out of the points. Almost sliding into the barriers under braking for turn 14 the Williams finally limped home in 11th place.

As a result of the long safety car period and the nature of the track, the race was cut one lap short due to the two hour limit - and at the 75% race distance stage I'd even go so far as to say that the extra lap wouldn't be missed. But the tyre struggles at the opposite end of the points might have developed further if we had that final tour. In the end Hamilton claimed a very easy uncontested victory ahead of Vettel and Ricciardo. Alonso just missed out on the podium in fourth ahead of Felipe Massa who no-one really saw during the race, I had to check the results to make sure he still existed. Sixth place was as high as Vergne's late charge was going to take him, ahead of Perez, Raikkonen, Hulkenberg and Magnussen taking the final, and only point for McLaren.

The Bonus Points Championship Points Winners

Where do I decide to assign points in that, does the race even deserve points... but in the sense of equality they have to be assigned so here are the winners:

• 25pts - Jean-Eric Vergne - By far the most entertaining driver today, receiving two track limits penalties and still finished 6th well done
• 18pts - Marcus Ericsson - Why on earth does Ericsson get points I hear you ask, well the Swede was the victor of the lower team battle - which is probably a miraculous result given how fast Bianchi had been 
• 15pts - Sergio Perez - From an exploding front wing to 7th place, not too bad for an afternoon's work
• 12pts - Nico Hulkenberg - Scores some points for pass of the race, round the outside of Maldonado in turn seven
• 10ts - Lewis Hamilton - Suppose winning deserves some recognition, even if it was far too easy
• 8pts - Valtteri Bottas - Held off Raikkonen and Button with ruined tyres and kept is out of the wall at the end.
• 6pts - Kvyat/Magnussen - Score points each for finishing the race in the midst of drink issues and dehydration problems - Kyvat asked to retire but fought on, and Kevin is being treated for heat related issues post race
• 4pts - Sebastian Vettel - Well done for not losing to Ricciardo for once
• 2pts - Pastor Maldonado - Got the Lotus into the points, even if it was only temporary
• 1pt - Angry Cat - Stalked me up the hill after I came back from being 'social' so it appeared I had an evil furry minion...

The Penalty Points Series.

Where, oh where do I begin with this one....

• Mercedes - Well you messed that one up for all of us now didn't you, go home and think about what you did wrong today
• Safety Car - How long does it take to sweep one section of road, seriously
• Adrian Sutil - Pushing people into the wall is not OK, cut that out alright
• Williams - That was clearly some bollocks PR story about pit-lane 'banter' one chap was clearly displeased with another chap and thusly slapped him upon the noggin. 
• Singapore Turn 6 track limits - Just move the line to the wall, is that really so hard
• Fernando Alonso - Turn one does exist you know, and only letting Vettel through was a little cheeky gesture to avoid a penalty you passed two cars by cheating not one Mr Alonso.

Looking to Japan

Before I start throwing penalties at anyone else it might be a good time to move on to Japan, and the Suzuka circuit... which is wonderful, how a circuit should be. There is limit room for error, gravel traps and grass lining the edges of the circuit instead of this pansy tarmac that runs all the way to the track limits. Each corner seems to have a purpose and a reason for being outside of a few design parameters lifeless blueprint. But like so many other circuits of its type does have the potential to produce processional races due to the narrow, single line flowing race track. On the other hand many races at Suzuka have been utterly marvellous - the 2005 Japanese GP remains one of the most memorable dry races in which Raikkonen was overtaking on the outside of the famous 130R and then making a last lap pass on Giancarlo Fisichella to take the win. More of that next time out please, and a lot less of what we say today.

Round 14: Singapore 2014 - Qualifying

Greetings Internet, 

Well that was closer than we expected it to be, not just between the two cars on the front row but between those in the immediate chasing pack. In two of the three practice sessions leading up to qualifying there was a different team sitting at the very top of the time-sheets. This lead to many confused faces down the pit lane - was this going to be a hiccup in the continuous stream of qualifying dominance. What was more interesting was that for the first time this year there was the slightest hint that something that wasn't powered by a German engine unit might have a chance of sitting at the very front of the grid. The immediate threat appeared to come from Ferrari of all places, after suffering a turbulent year which involved Dominicali and more recently Di Montezemelo parting company. One thing that came through in the commentary was the problem of the super-soft tyre compound, the same compound that saw Mercedes lose out to Williams in Austria qualifying. Perhaps the all conquering and all dominant team doesn't like that particular compound, citing issues regarding rear tyre wear as a possible explanation. But what we do know is that in the race, that car can often turn into a very different animal as Austria demonstrated when Mercedes more than overturned the deficit on the Sunday.

Today was also the first major session with the first tier of radio restrictions in place, and I'm not sure if it was a coincidence, or a function of the track being challenging and 'green' after overnight rainfall. But everyone seemed a little tentative - especially in Q1. Normally on street circuits you'll see cars running millimetres from the walls - brushing the paint off the tyre sidewalls, but today there was a lot less of that sort of thing. Although it has to be said that even if it did happen the camera director would have missed it - as he/she did with most things today. Surely the drivers don't need the teams to tell them how close to get to the walls and what apex speeds to take to maximise the exit points - but it did seem as if they were leaving a little more room for error, of course there were a couple leaving less room than others...

Qualifying 

As soon as any session starts in Singapore we are treated to the almost obligatory helicopter images of the city at night, with all it's fancy multi-story hotels and architectural wonders. All of which has got nothing on this part of the world - we have two wind turbines on our skyline... none of which work most of the time, but they are there mostly for decoration. Q1 opened with a lot of drivers struggling, particularly on the brakes - Nico Rosberg locked up and went down the escape road at turn five... the German found reverse and got on with things. A little reminiscent of Monaco - except without pole position being on the line and the raft of conspiracy theories after the fact. I'd like to be able to tell you who was having difficulties elsewhere on the lap, but the director didn't feel inclined to show us - there were some incredibly useful images of people in the pit lane sitting around while the cars were on track.

One car even vanished across the turn 1-3 complex in a cloud of tyre smoke from a locked front - were we ever shown who was responsible...nope. Thus began the investigation into the mystery of the suspicious cloud - evidence seemed thin on the ground as a train of cars left shot before the cloud appeared. But a few minutes later there was a break in the case, down another escape road on the other side of the track was the Lotus of Romain Grosjean with braking difficulties... could this be the source of the cloud... who knows but for the time being it was out best guess.

I suppose qualifying is all about lap times and making sure yours is better than everyone else's - not that you are allowed to know the other times anymore. For a while it was Bottas in the lead before Hamilton claimed that position normally this would be the end of things - a Mercedes hits the front and no-one can do anything else about it. But due to the characteristics of the tyres and the track - there was over a two second pace difference between the softs and the super-softs. This meant that everyone had to in reality make the change or risk being caught out - conventionally we'd just see all of the contenders to set improved times but stay in the same relative positions... not this time. The super-softs metamorphosed the Ferrari into something much faster, and something Raikkonen enjoyed - and thus the Finn went fastest. Alonso claimed second place, and Hamilton... well the Mercedes driver could only manage third... Rosberg was 6th. The world had gone mad... but the pleasantly intriguing sort of mad... not the straight jackets and padded cells variety (maybe tomorrow for that).

Q2

Off into the second phase of qualifying, and the smaller on track population would probably be good news for Vettel, who seemed displeased with Kvyat not moving off the racing line in the first part. As an aside regarding the German bloke - Christian Horner said in an interview that Vettel was handling the difficult season well, and wasn't getting frustrated or irate... I think that Mr Horner needs to listen to some of Sebastian's team radio in earlier races... he was fairly frustrated in some of those... Back to the action now and Ferrari were at it again, this time Alonso lead Raikkonen by mere thousandths of a second, only for Hamilton to go a few thousandths quicker than the pair of them. The margins between drivers was impossibly small - 0.26s covered the top five in the early phase of the session.

Just like in Q1 the camera director appeared to be taking a vacation because there were a couple of yellow flag alerts published on the screen - but no idea who or what caused them. Yes we don't turn on the TV just to see things crash into other things - but it would be nice to see who was having difficulties, and what the causes and contributing factors are... but nope. Anyway Willams initially looked vulnerable after completing their first runs on used tyres, setting times that were only good enough for relegation - along with both Force Indias and Esteban Gutierrez in the Sauber. The top four drivers elected not to go out again assuming that fresh tyres and track evolution would not give the opposition enough of an advantage to relegate them.

The crew on Daniel Ricciardo's pitwall must have thought that call was a little risky when the first car to cross the line whilst using another set bumped them down a position. If the rest of the challengers replicated Massa's pace then Ricciardo would be out of the session. Luckily for him, they weren't fast enough, Kyvat and Magnussen made it through - knocking Vergne and Hulkenberg out and Jenson Button came tantalisingly close to making it into Q3. Jenson was only 17 milliseconds away from promotion but ended up in 11th place. The session ended with Nico Rosberg putting in an very quick time to go fastest... an ominous sign of things to come perhaps...

Q1

The final and all important pole position shootout and cue more artistic aerial views of the Marina bay circuit with all it's nocturnal splendour on display. Still no sign of any malfunctioning windmills, score one to Blog HQ. The first series of laps saw Felipe Massa setting the early pace, less than a tenth of a second clear of Daniel Ricciardo in second and the two Ferraris along with Vettel a tiny fraction behind that. 0.16s covered the top five cars in an immensely tight final session - yet Mercedes were languishing down in 6th in 7th. I think qualifying should have ended there and then - think of the race that would have generated tomorrow...

Alas the session went on and thus began the final runs, which unfortunately were to be completed without one of the major contenders. Kimi Raikkonen was recalled to the pits on his outlap after a technical problem, the Finn seemed a lot calmer about the technical difficulties than Romain Grosjean had in Q2. The Frenchman was apoplectic over the radio about the engine cutting out and malfunctioning. But we still had a potential fight for pole position between Ferrari, Red Bull and Mercedes - something we haven't been treated two in a very long time, even Austria didn't have this many contenders. Ricciardo set the initial benchmark time - claiming a provisional pole position away from Massa. The crowd cheer was enormous when the Australian held the top spot. Nico Rosberg spoiled that party chipping out a two tenth margin over the Red Bull driver. So Mercedes on pole again as Vettel, Alonso, Massa and Bottas were unable to beat Rosbergs time, this only left Hamilton... Lewis made a small mistake in the first corner, locking an inside wheel but over the course of the lap kept in touch with his team-mate's time. As Hamilton rounded the final corner and crossed the line he stole pole position by only 0.007s - a ridiculously small margin. In a day when radio communications were the initial taking point it is only fair that the session was ended with a radio message. Rosberg was informed of the final results and the time difference, to which he merely replied "DAMN IT"...oh it is going to be fun tomorrow.

The Bonus Points Championship Points Winners

Fear not I am keeping track of these points, there is a spreadsheet with some VBA code that when the time comes will print out the HTML needed to update the online table. As for today, that was the closest session this season, and barring that time in '97 when Schumacher, Villeneuve and Frentzen all set the same time down to the millisecond - one of the closest in a very long time. That does make scoring this session very difficult, but here are the winners:

• 10pts - Kimi Raikkonen - For once that is the pace we have waited to see, fastest in Q1 and pushing Alonso... until the car broke down again
• 8pts - Felipe Massa - After spending much of 2014 in Bottas' shadow the Brazilian was the dominant Williams today and was one pole... for a bit
• 6pts - Kevin Magnussen - On a track he has never seen before to make it into the top ten ahead of Jenson is a strong acheivement
• 5pts - Jules Bianchi - Utterly demolished the lower division, in a day when margins have been so tight a one second gap over Kamui is mighty.
• 4pts - Daniil Kvyat - Once again the rookie driver is leading the mid-field, admittedly Vergne may be demotivated, but he is ahead of Button and both of the Force India cars as well.
• 3pts - Hamilton/Rosberg - Putting them on the same line is asking for another fight but 0.007s is amazing consistency between team-mates
• 2pts - Romain Grosjean - Gets two points for having the best rant of the day about the Renault engine... very little PR filtering going on there.
• 1pt - Squadron Leader Heidfeld - Nick gets the final point for walking away from a huge accident in the debut Formula E race in China, and for the calmest possible interview afterwards considering he was taken out by a driver he shares a car with in endurance races.

The Penalty Points Series

There is also a spreadsheet for this too, but considering that is was a calm and entertaining qualifying session there should be little to add to that spreadsheet this evening. Agreed little does need to be done, but there are a couple of points that do need to be taken care of.

• The Camera Director - Not a particularly good job today from the person responsible, I would like to know why a driver set a slower time than expected and why those yellow flags were out if you don't mind.
• Nicholas Prost - The other half of the Heidfeld incident, Nicholas was going to lose the lead of the race on the approach to the final corner of the final lap. So the Frenchman made a last second blocking move and crashed into the side of Heidfeld's car. It was a very rash and foolish move which broke Heidfeld's front suspension and launching the car over the curbs at the inside of the corner. The car flew upside down into the barrier and tumbled through the air before landing the wrong way up. Prost had the incredulity post race to blame the German for making an 'impossible move'  on a corner where you can't pass apparently. The same corner where Takuma Sato was able to drive two wide with another car without making any contact...

Looking to Tomorrow

The race is the longest event of the season, closing in on the two hour maximum time limit, and in every one of those races there has been at least one safety car deployment. Anything can and will happen on the streets of Singapore which makes the race tomorrow look like an enticing prospect even in the years of Vettel domination. In 2013 when Sebastian had a two second a lap advantage the race was still enjoyable because of the battles further behind. But this season those battles can take place at the very front of the grid between team-mates who are not afraid of pushing each other out of the way. And once again waiting in the wings for something to go wrong is Daniel Ricciardo - it is set up wonderfully once more for a fantastic race. Bring it on.

Round 14: Singapore 2014 - Preview

Ahoy thar Mateys O' the Internet,

Y'arr upon the day when all mateys parler in the piratical tongue, it be rather fitting that the mighty crews and thar vessels set sail for the most piratical port on the map. Across the open waters through the spyglass lies an ocean of tarmac an' concrete waves waiting to send those who stray offline straight to Davey Jones' locker. When we dropped anchor here this time last season thar was much turbulence in the seas o' the paddock, stories of pirates make to walk the plank, marooned from thar crews lookin' for a new flag to sail under. Today the waters are much calmer, but thar be an uneasy silent breeze in the air as an old scallywag steps back up to the helm. 

Capt'n Bernie was facing the brig for misuse of his doubloons and pieces of eight, but through striking an accord - with more doubloons - he be free to roam the seas once more. Capt'n Bernie set a course to plunder the twitterings between crews and thar First Mateys - he be monitoring the bottled messages and forbidding those regarrrdin keeping yer vessel afloat. These sanctions arrr supposed to stop yer pirates an' other mateys from telling yer Capt'n how to sail his galleon. Things like "change yer heading" or "Set yer main-sail to position four" be cast aside, but Capt'n Bernie and his mateys aboard the good ship 'FIA' got all lilly-livered an they be retreating on thar scrolls this morning. Thar sanctions be lifted err so slightly, ship-to-shore messagin' still forbids navigation an' positionin' thar other crews, but things like "Yer anchor be too slack" or "Set yer midden-mast to starboard map 6" be back on the table - for now.

Thar be other turbulent goings on aboard the Ferrari Galleon, where piratical overlord Capt'n Di Montezemelo has hung up his pirate hat and given up on a life of Piracy with his crew. Struggles with a slow vessel and one pirate a long way behind the other have spawned many a rumour - will First Mate Alonso jump ship to a faster crew, and thar be many mateys writing bottled messages asking to come aboard if the First Mate walks the plank. Thar be Hulkenberg an' Bianchi at the head of the line, an' who knows if Second Mate Raikkonen will stay aboard as well. But for now thar is the more pressing matter of who can mutiny and overthrow the Mercedes crew from atop the championship's crows nest and claim the glittering booty under the mechanical lights of Singapore. 

Yer Tresure Map

Before me keyboard catches scurvy, I be putting thar hat of piratical parle aside for the moment. I must say this pirate stuff was a lot easier last season, but never mind. The Singapore circuit is one that divides opinion across the world, some say it is a needless gimmicky collection of 90 degree corners more about improving the show than fuelling the sport. On the other hand it is a wondrous event underneath the floodlights often fuelled with action and adventure throughout.

Looking at the track however and you can sort of see where the negative comments come from (those people should have a look at the Beijing street course used for Formula E last week - that was a terrible design). In some cases the amount of corners is excessive, and a bit repetitive - the final sector being a prime example. But what it does leave us with is the longest race of the season, which is a stark contrast to last race which is the shortest and fastest of the year. One novel feature of the track, aside from a corner which goes underneath the grandstands is the colour coordinated walls. Each sector of the lap is painted a different colour, so you know where you are - the next step of course is to paint on corner numbers too. I think is it an idea that Valencia should have used, and certainly would work at the new Sochi track in Russia which at the moment does look a little colourless as preparations continue.

The first part of the lap is the only permanent aspect of the track, with some slight undulation as the track falls away slightly through the first three corners. On the exit of turn three the cars are released into the city through the medium speed turn four, this is an important corner as it leads onto the main DRS straight. I assume most of the overtaking and probably crashing will be done at the end of this straight - it is nice to designate somewhere for Maldonado to do what he does best. In many respects it is a relief that GP2 aren't here given how erratic Canamasas has been, so much so that he prompted a very strong blog post from commentator Will Buxton calling for every sanction under the sun. He even went as far as considering cutting ties with the sport to avoid having to commentate on a potentially severe incident involving the infamous driver. But I digress.

Sector two used to be the home of another polarising feature of the turn 10 chicane - it was a horrible corner, it was a clumsy sequence with massive curbs. Many drivers have been fired into the wall after taking a trip through the air - not as much of a trip as Squadron Leader Heidfeld took in China however, demonstrating the dangers of these new large curbs. As of last season the terrible chicane was replaced, a collective hurrah echoed through the racing world... until we saw the replacement. Here was a section that could be improved with a faster corner given how wide the area is, leading into the chicane before the Andersson bridge. But instead what we got is another generic almost 90 degree corner like many others around the lap, thus replacing terrible and unusual with bland and dull.... you just can't win sometimes. 

After the long straight at Esplanade Drive the final sector begins, and it is this sector most people have a problem with (apart from the final corner) because it seems a little too contrived. Just like Abu-Dhabi's hotel section, we have an excessive amount of corners because it seems like the designer wanted to shoehorn a novelty feature into the layout. The grandstand over the track concept, which in fairness is a nice touch, requires six consecutive 90 degree corners to make work. Because the cars have to be moved onto the road that passes under the stands, make the turn under the stands and then cross back out on the outer road. The tunnel turn however does have a tendency to cause safety car periods which can mix things up a bit. To round off the lap there is the magnificent double apexed final turn which for a street circuit is pleasantly fast, again with little room for error on the exit. 

Thar Capt'n's Log

I think that it is time to put on the hypothetical pirate hat once more, Arr! That's better now. At present the Mercedes crew have the wind at thar backs and a very swift vessel at thar beck'n call that can sail through the most tormented seas and come out the other side in the lead. The port o' Singapore saw Shipmate Sebastian make the rest of the grid look cabin boys with an unassailable advantage. I foresee that the same will happen this weekend - unless of course thar be another mutiny within the crew - mateys Hamilton an' Rosberg have fired shots across each others bows since the Belgian incident. Another skirmish could see them squander the loot, and Capt'n Wolf may be throwin' em overboard. Elsewhere the Williams crew and the eternal party ship Red Bull might steal the booty if the scallywags at Mercedes go to war once more.

In the tormented squall of the mid-field, Toro Rosso should sail clear of the opposition. Sauber still be struggling with a little extra ballast in the hull of their vessel and the chances of any doubloons on Sunday be more than a long shot. As for Lotus, thar twitterings o' the 'lectric parrot be full of hope for a better time of it than in Italy. But this afternoon scallywag Maldonado appeared to catch scurvy and scuttled his ship against the concrete turn ten wall in second practice.

Back in the meagre doldrums at the rear of the field Marussia an' thar dinghy seem to have the beatin's o' those mateys in the neighbouring dock. At least in the hands of First Mate Bianchi's case, financeer deckhand Chilton will need to keep a spyglass pointed off stern for the marauding Caterhams will be much closer in attendance. 

Y'arr it promises to be a grand weekend, one best served in the company o' piratical wenches and plenty of booty, and loot too. This galleon may be marooned, but watching thar crews do battle on the city streets is all but the next best thing.

Round 13: Italy 2014 - Review

Greetings Internet, 

Today we hoped for a gigantic battle, one of great vengeance between the two title contenders - knocking more carbon fibre panels off each other and banging wheels... Sadly we were denied that opportunity once again, in fact it is starting to become a regular occurrence to see hopes of more controversy dashed as a race progresses. Hungary and Belgium had their moments which spurned on the conspiracy theories and arguments across the realm of the internet, but not since Bahrain have we had a proper race long duel for the race win. It was supposed to be on the cards for today, all the ingredients were in place, a front row lock out by a pair of dominant cars and a score that needed settling after Spa. But while that particular recipe failed miserably, it was down to the remainder of the field to serve up an alternative menu, even if it was delivered with a delivered in the form of some overly easy DRS enabled overtakes down the main straight. 

The Race

At the start it looked like the race was going to get very interesting, because Hamilton didn't get the best of launches and handed the lead to Rosberg. Magnussen and Massa also followed the German through, demoting Lewis down to fourth place. Bottas also had a reasonably terrible start, and plummeted down the order, Ricciardo also had a reasonably terrible time at the beginning of the day ending up forced across the first chicane by the volume of traffic crowding up at the first apex. The Australian was joined by the Sauber of Adrian Sutil running across the alternative chicane profile. It appeared Hamilton had difficulties with the RS modes which prevented him from making a more successful start. 

From the very back of the grid Daniil Kvyat was making some initial progress, up to 17th place from 21st - taking care of the two Marussias, Kamui and Grosjean. The Toro Rosso making good use strong straight line speed in comparison to those teams at the bottom end of the field. At the front however Rosberg was running away from the chasing pack, because Magnussen was a little down on pace and holding back Massa and Hamilton behind him. Both Lewis and Felipe were putting pressure on the Dane - this had all the hallmarks of a very interesting fight, if Magnussen's defensive efforts at Spa were to be repeated. This time his defensive strategy wasn't quite as effective, blocking the inside line for the Della Roggia chicane - but Massa simply drove round the outside of the McLaren compromising Kevin's exit. This allowed Hamilton to sneak up the inside of the first Lesmo to take third place. Once released from behind Magnussen Massa set the fastest lap of the race, and brought Hamilton along with him.

The second chicane proved to be rather perilous for Max Chilton, the Marussia driver ironically went through a corner a little too quickly for someone who is perpetually last (barring Ericsson). As a result he hid the large curbs at the second apex and launched into the air suffering a hard landing before bouncing into the tyre wall and into retirement. Max's second ever retirement and the first one that didn't involve him taking out his team-mate in the process - I noticed that the internet and media in general weren't all up in arms about that intra-team collision. The yellow flags waving to clear Chilton's car prevented Hamilton from having a look at Massa into the Roggia chicane, but it was only a temporary reprieve. Then something most odd occurred, Nico Rosberg made a mistake, mysteriously missing the first chicane at Rettafilio with only the tiniest hint of a lock up as evidence. Nico had to negotiate the slalom of polystyrene marker boards on the escape road losing almost two seconds to the Massa/Hamilton battle behind. I wouldn't recommend doing that one again Mr Rosberg...

On the next lap, Hamilton put a pass on Massa in the first chicane, going round the outside of the Williams, and Felipe gave Lewis racing room - a far cry from 2011 when the pair were continuously crashing into each other. This meant the two Mercedes drivers were now 1-2 - and hopes for that battle for the lead to take place. While gap between the two lead cars was going to take a few laps to close, it was a good time to take a look at what was happening elsewhere in the field. Starting at the back of the field - where Bianchi was resisting the attentions of Romain Grosjean's Lotus. Romain attempted an outside pass into the first chicane but despite some wheel to wheel contact mid-corner the Marussia maintained control of the position. Grosjean would later take the place and power ahead. Then there was Bottas, initiating a recovery drive after making a terrible start and losing so many positions, Valtteri's progress was helped in part by the fact that Magnussen was backing up everyone from fourth on back. 

Bottas' first target was Kimi Raikkonen, the Ferrari being no match for the straight line speed of the Williams - and so Bottas set after his next victim Sergio Perez. Today Sergio was able to live up to his previous title of 'One-Stop Perez - unfortunately it was one-stop strategies all round so it wasn't really a unique trait this time. Valtteri found it fractionally more difficult to defeat the Force India running a similar engine to the Williams but through the power of DRS and a superior top speed the Finn was through. Alonso was a much easier pass, even though the Spaniard defended the inside line on the main straight, Bottas merely breezed past on the main straight... right in front of the Ferrari fans... that'll not go down too well. Out front the gap was starting to close quite quickly, and Hamilton had narrowed the deficit to within 1.4s enough to start feeling the benefits of the slip-stream effect from the back of his team-mate's car.

Elsewhere Sebastian Vettel triggered a raft of pit stops as the German Bloke became the first driver to take his one and only stop of the race. Having just lost out to another Bottas pass in turn one Magnussen pitted along with Alonso, the pair rejoining behind Vettel who benefited from the undercut. Perez rejoined in front of Alonso and Jenson but behind Vettel and Magnussen in what was turning into a tightly contested battle for what was effectively fourth place - Massa being in an isolated third several seconds further up the road. When Bottas came in for his stop he emerged at the same time the train of cars behind Vettel was powering down the main straight. In many respects the Finn was a little too polite through the first corner, leaving enough racing room for those around him to make the turn. As a result Valtteri lost track position to Vettel and Magnussen.

After the Mercedes drivers came in for their respective stops Hamilton was instructed over the radio to maintain a two second gap to Nico to conserve tyres for the end of the race. Lewis was having none of this and continued his charge towards his team-mate, disregarding engineer advice and the prospect of that overdue conflict sounded very exciting. Made even more so when lapping Ericsson brought the two cars closer together. But just as Hamilton closed almost to within DRS range - the seemingly impossible took place. Rosberg made a hash of turn one again, so much for the clinical and precise approach that typified the German's driving style. This time has he once again skipped through the slalom Lewis Hamilton assumed the lead and drove off into the distance. A striking lack of composure and form from Rosberg does make you question what on earth the team did to him in response to the 'incident' at Spa.

The Retafilio chicane was the scene of more action as Bottas was recovering the positions lost after the stop - this time taking on Kevin Magnussen round the outside. This time the Dane resumed where he left off in Spa and unleashed some more robust defensive driving - leaving Valtteri nowhere to go in the middle of the chicane. The Williams driver having to escape across the chicane, a few laps further down the line Magnussen would be handed a 5s stop/go penalty to be added to his next pit-stop... shame the McLaren wasn't coming back in... Instead the additional time would be appended to his final race time. Meanwhile the bottom was falling out of Ferrari's world here on home turf, first it started with Raikkonen being the first victim of a recovery charge from Daniel Ricciardo after a later stop than the others. But that was small change compared to Fernando Alonso's difficulties - right in front of the main Tifosi grandstand the car completely shut down and ground to a halt. His fist mechanical failure since 2010, and thus ending his 100 run of points scoring positions in 2014.

Despite fending off the Williams once before, Magnussen was unable to keep Bottas behind for much longer and inevitably surrendered the position at the end of the main straight. While that particular contest came to an end, another one was emerging further back - Jenson Button found himself behind Sergio Perez. Jenson was able to take the place from the Force India in turn one, but Perez drafted the McLaren through Curva Grande before firing it down the outside of the Della Roggia chicane. Button edged Sergio wide but the Mexican kept the boot in across the speed humps and still managed to take the place back. Both drivers then ran two wide through the first of the Lesmos, before Jenson had to fall back in line on turn in to the second Lesmo. This brilliant exchange was briefly interrupted by the presence of Daniel Riccardo on newer tyres. The Red Bull had visibly stronger braking capacity and could brake much later than either the McLaren or the Force India. Picking off Jenson in turn one and then sweeping to the inside of Perez on the exit of Curva Grande to take the place from Sergio into Della Roggia. As soon as Ricciardo was clear and gone up the road Perez and Button resumed their little scrap. Again Jenson took the spot in turn one, but his brakes were fading and ran deep, Perez maintained the pressure going into the second chicane forcing Button to out-brake himself. This opened the door on the exit and the Force India was through once again.

Because Bottas had maximised his comeback reaching fourth place, it was time to check on the state of Ricciardo's charge through the field - after sneaking past the Jenson/Sergio battle the Australian took on Magnussen. Daniel once again used the grip advantage of fresher tyres to take the position away from the Dane in turn one. This meant that his next target was none other than Sebastian Vettel, would this eventuality mean that despite falling several places behind on the opening lap - Ricciardo could again out-perform the multiple world champion. Looking at the relative pace of the two Red Bull drivers it seemed increasingly likely. Vettel defended in turn one but slid wide compromising his exit - and in a carbon copy of the move Ricciardo made on Perez, the Australian swept across the track and stole the inside line for the Della Roggia chicane and took the place away from Vettel. 

Further back we see a strange interaction between Grosjean and Gutierrez - Esteban for no apparent reason moved across on Romain in the braking zone for turn one and clipped his front wing. As a result the Sauber driver suffered a rear puncture and dropped to the back of the field - a post race investigation rewarded Esteban with a 20s time penalty moving him to absolute last place, behind Ericisson. Meanwhile Vettel's declining pace on older tyres following the earlier stop had brought Magnussen, Perez, Button and Raikkonen up behind him. It was a battle Perez was reluctant to get involved with considering that Magnussen in front would take a post-race time penalty, and given Kevin's tendency for agressive defensive driving there was logic to Sergio's decision. At the opposite end of the train Raikkonen came perilously close to a double retirement for Ferrari. Brake failure for Daniil Kvyat found his car would not slow down for turn one and narrowly missed the back of Kimi's car as the Toro Rosso fired down the escape road. Daniil did very well not only to miss Raikkonen but keep the out of control missile he was driving out of the barrier as well - only clipping the polystyrene blocks in the slalom. I assume that the death stare momentarily became a rather worried stare when he arrived at over 200mph and realised the car wouldn't slow down.

Out front however it turned into an uncontested victory for Lewis Hamilton after Rosberg stepped out of the way in the first chicane on two occasions. It was still another 1-2 for the team, so no Toto Wolf angry faces today. The final step on the podium belonged to Felipe Massa who was reasonable anonymous after he lost second place to Hamilton in the first stint. A very well executed recovery drive from Bottas saw him take fourth for Williams ahead of the Red Bull pairing lead by Ricciardo. Magnussen crossed the line in 7th place but would be demoted to 10th with the penalty. This moved Perez up into 7th and Jenson in to 8th. Raikkonen kept Ferrari's points scoring streak going - albeit with only two points for 9th place. 

The Bonus Points Championship Points Winners

Even though were denied the battle we all hoped to see once more, today did contain a series of performances that deserved some points:

• 25pts - Valtteri Bottas - After a terrible start and more positions lost in the pit stops it was a valiant recovery drive with many passes.
• 18pts - Daniel Ricciardo  - Not as many passes as Bottas but the quality was so much better, kudos for still beating Vettel
• 15pts - Button/Perez - Have to have many points for their epic battle in the latter stages of the race, no contact at all times
• 12pts - Daniil Kvyat - Not only for avoiding a potentially enormous accident, but last to the edge of the points deserves points
• 10pts - Felipe Massa - His first podium in a long while and his first for the team with some good early racing
• 8pts - Kevin Magnussen - A brilliant start up into second place and probably didn't deserve the penalty he received
• 6pts - Kamui Kobayashi - Finishing as the top representative from the lower teams after being out-bid by Lotterer last time
• 4pts - Jules Bianchi - Gets some points for being able to fend off the Lotus for a little while in turn one
• 2pts -  Max Chilton - Wins the high jump award for his take off in the second chicane
• 1pt - Marcus Ericsson - It might be the result of Gutierrez's penalty, but well done on not being last

The Penalty Points Championship

In a generally average race, it may seem a little harsh to throw penalty points about but some are needed today.

• Nico Rosberg - Made a bit of a mess of that one now didn't we, not only cost yourself the win but ruined what could have been a brilliant fight
• Sergio Canamassass - Gets a penalty point for driving like a complete moron in the second GP2 race this afternoon
• Simon Lazenby - For telling me who won said GP2 race before I had the change to watch it
• The Stewards - Absolutely no consistency in the decision making process at the moment. 

Looking ahead to Singapore

Well from one extreme to another, leaving behind the extreme speeds of Monza under the bright Italian sunshine to the plaudits of the Tifosi, and moving on to the concrete walls and floodlights of the street race of Singapore. In all likelihood it will be another Mercedes walkover, dominating all sessions and vanishing off into the distance again. But this time there is much less room for error - if you were to lock up under breaking there is often only a concrete barrier in the way to greet you rather than a polystyrene slalom. The singaporean GP had produced moments of extreme controversy, most notably of all the 'crashgate' scandal in 2009. The race where Piquet Jnr was instructed to crash on purpose so that the safety car would gift his team-mate at the time Fernando Alonso the race victory. Then in 2011 it was another instalment into the ongoing conflict between Hamilton and Felipe Massa... who knows perhaps this could be another ignition point for the in house battle at Mercedes... can't wait

Round 13: Italy 2014 - Qualifying

Greetings Internet, 

It appears I have returned to this corner of the world, having spend the previous week in the heart of Transylvania, Romania in the city of Cluj-Napoca. It is for that reason that there was no post on Thursday night, that and the fact that I was pretending to know how to be a sociable human being at the frighteningly posh 'Sun Garden Resort' - which is certainly not the conventional setting for a peasant like myself. That said the venture as a whole was rather interesting meeting folk from across the globe, including Turkey, Japan, Germany, China and of course Romania. It does make you wonder why people in this country can't be as civilised or friendly as those at the event and the city as a whole. 

But first order of business upon landing on home turf, that is here in the North, not the pesky south which the plane landed, is taking care of working through the footage of qualifying. In many respects it was going to be a bit of a formality at the front of the grid given the characteristics of the circuit and a certain engine manufacturer. In fact it threatened to be quite an awkward session from multiple perspectives throughout the grid.

Qualifying 

Behind the scenes and across the TV it appears that the whole world was far more concerned with how life was in the Mercedes team and who hates who... and how angry Toto Wolf was that fortnight ago. Mostly because it was funny. So as the session got started, the two Caterhams and Marussias had the track to themselves for a little while, practising sharing the slipstream effect on the long straights at Monza. Out of the quartet it was Kobayashi that eked out a small advantage, wouldn't it be awkward if it was the Japanese driver whose seat was for sale for the highest bidders instead of Ericsson...

Eventually Mercedes went to the front of the field with their inevitable speed advantage, Rosberg was initially in first place before Hamilton took over. All without running into each other which is a little dull and unfortunate, maybe that can all be corrected tomorrow. It seemed as if Mercedes were going to have some company at the sharp end of the grid because Felipe Massa in the Williams closed to within half a tenth of Rosbergs second place time. Massa improved to go anomalously fastest, before Hamilton retook the position. As the session continued several teams moved onto the softer tyre, Toro Rosso made significant gains - firstly by Vergne... Wouldn't it be awkward if the Frenchman was to be fired at the end of the season. The awkwardness continued when Kobayashi not only smashed Ericsson's best efforts but usurped both Marussia drivers... oh dear. Meanwhile Lotus' struggles continues and neither car made it into Q2

Q2

In this second section, Hulkenberg set the initial pace, but the German's qualifying difficulties continued as the Force India dropped down the time-sheet. Again Mercedes lead the pack, and again it was Rosberg who delivered first, followed by Bottas in the Williams. Hamilton responded with the fastest lap of the weekend to take the lead of the session. While Felipe Massa joined Valtteri in a seemingly futile pursuit of the Mercedes team - but at least they were giving it a go unlike the rest. 

But the real battle in this session belonged at the opposite end of the top ten when the field streamed out on their final run. This caused a problem for a certain Mr Kimi Raikkonen who started his final campaign a lap earlier and encountered everyone on their out-lap. Starting with Daniil Kvyat on the main straight distracting the Finn, forcing Kimi to go in a little too deep in the Rettafilio - followed by making a slight mess of the Variante De La Roggia putting a rear wheel into the gravel on the exit (one of the few corners that still has gravel now). Kimi made a similar hash of his final lap and didn't make it into the top ten...in a Ferrari... in front of the Tifosi... in Italy... well oops. Sergio Perez on the other hand was defying team expectations, and dragged the Force India into Q3.

Q3

On the track with the highest average speed and terminal velocities in excess of 215mph - there was no urgency to use the additional two minutes available in Q3. The success story of Q2 - Sergio Perez - was the first to take to the track, only to see his initial lap time obliterated by Nico Rosberg's all conquering Mercedes. Bottas was only a few tenths shy of Nico's top time at the start of the session, but then there was the problem of Lewis Hamilton who appeared to be tearing up the space-time continuum in his crusade for pole position. The end of this lap resulted in the Briton carving a mighty four tenths out of Nico's best effort, in a titanic struggle that has often been decided by hundredths this gap was gargantuan. 

With a seemingly unbeatable target posted on the board it looked like it was game over in the battle for pole position - Rosberg tried to cut the lead down but only manged to trim a few tenths off the deficit. Williams locked out the second row with Bottas in front, while Magnussen and Button set almost identical times on their final runs to lock out the third row. Then there was Vettel, the leading purpetrator of misusing the new blasphemous tarmac on the exit of the Parabolica could only manage 8th, behind the only Ferrari inside the top ten.

The Bonus Points Championship

Even when this was a reasonably straight forward session, in which Mercedes powered cars take up the top six places on the grid - and only one Mercedes car outside the top ten, there are points on offer.

• 10pts - Sergio Perez - The Force India setup doesn't make qualifying easy yet the Mexican made it out of Q2
• 8pts - Kevin Magnussen - One of McLaren's more successful Saturdays and the Dane takes lead honours
• 6pts - Lewis Hamilton - That was a mega lap to take the top spot, and even his slower lap would put him on the front row
• 5pts - Jenson Button - As a driver who might by fighting for a contract for 2015, a respectable run today can't hurt
• 4pts - Kamui Kobayashi - One race after being dumped from the team for money, making an impressive return an justifying his place on the grid
• 3pts - Valtteri Bottas -  Mercedes' closest competition on a track where Ricciardo can't capitalise 
• 2pts - Felipe Massa - Lead the Williams charge up until the all important final session. 
• 1pt - Jules Bianchi - For saving an epic slide through the Ascari chicane in front of Romain Grosjean

The Penalty Points Championship

After being on 'holiday' for a while I didn't think I'd be issuing penalty points upon returning but here are a couple

• Sebastian Vettel - Stop trying to cheat the system, yes the Parabolica has been modified but you can stick to the track you know.
• Monza - Why did you take the gravel away....why... damn you, damn you

Looking to Tomorrow (well later on today now as it is past midnight)

Turn one should be fun - the two Mercedes drivers ploughing down to a very narrow chicane potentially side by side - another collision between the two would be hilarious. The force of the repercussions could tear a hole in the universe - mainly from Toto Wolf's angry face, which is a very severe angry face. On top of that we have Williams lurking just in case it all goes completely wrong, with McLaren on the row behind them. 

Looking further back we have Daniil Kvyat in a car which could challenge for a top ten spot qualifying down in 21st place after taking a 10 place grid penalty for an engine change. A fate many of the Renault powered teams and potentially Sauber as well will come across when their allocations of power unit components run out. Monza can be chaotic with plenty of overtaking - or it could be dull and tiresome - here's hoping for the former. Bring it on.