After a night of pseudo partying proved once more I'm completely socially incapable and more of a black hole draining all the energy into a darkened abyss of despair - and to top it all of it turns out my attempt at costuming was a complete failure and completely unrecognisable. I shall have to also apologise to Lynyrd Skynyrd for converting their most famous tune regarding a southern US state - as I managed to convert such a well known song into a series of broken sounds and unrecognisable notes. At least the scenario was recovered by my musical partner at the time being exceptional to cover my failures.
But the inadequacies of the day before was no reflection upon the night, I just wasn't capable of enjoyment in the maximum extent - blame it on the madness or something - however this made waking up for the beginning of the race broadcast at 8:30 this morning a little more challenging. Alas this was something I could do right, even though I spend a while finding the remote to the digi-box, when things were all sorted out in the dim light of the early morning it was process the inaugural Grand Prix of India. A race where one man who had got absolutely everything right was a certain German bloke adding yet more points to his scoreboard and another record to the tally.
Behind him was a race of not too much action for the most part, more of a Korma than a Vindaloo event but sprinkled with a little dusting of controversy and rivalry to complete the dish. With a side serving of pompadoms because who doesn't like pompadoms.
The Race
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| credit to F1Fanatic for the image |
Prior to the start there is was a lot of chatter about a lack of a clean or dirty side of the grid - as the racing line moves from one edge of the track to the other where only occasional grid slots will be cleaned by the traffic. So consequently the start was fairly even, both Red Bulls getting of the line equally well, but it was Alonso who left the line a little faster. He was presented with a wall of Red Bull and looked to the outside opening the door for Button to take third.
It was all rather orderly further back - until you reached Rubens Barrichello who ran into the back of his team-mate and pushing Kamui off in the process. Kobayashi then span on the dust of the track and into the path of Timo Glock doing enough damage to put them both out of the race. Further round the lap into turn three it was the turn of local driver Narain Karthekeyan to unleash some contact setting his sight on Jarno Trulli spinning the Lotus into the infield giving him a puncture for his troubles. While back up with the front division Button was able to drive around Webber for second before turning into turn 4. That would be the last time we would see either of the top two again. Vanishing off into the distance.
Jenson made a brief appearance on the TV as Webber had a go on the exit of the DRS zone into turn four, but couldn't make the pass as Jenson eased him wide to keep the position. Following being rather grumpy and miserable in the qualifying program yesterday Hamilton was driving like someone had stolen his kitten - languishing down in 6th behind his all time best friend of the year - Felipe Massa who'd passed him off the start. His pace was down on the cars in front and was generally rather lethargic.
After the exiting starter was brought to the Indian GP table - there was a long wait for the main course to be delivered. A lot of sitting around staring at the drinks wondering if the waiter had got lost and ended up Narnia instead, and given the lack of activity on the track Narnia sounded like the better option. Pit stops came and went and only Schumacher had shuffled himself up the field, but even that was earlier on in the event.
Then the second course finally arrived - the portion size was rather small but was spiced rather nicely with a hint of controversy and a seasoning of salt crushed firmly into to some old wounds. Two of the greatest of friends - if that's that what you can call the raging fire of rivalry that exists between Massa and Hamilton - seemed once more to appear battling one another. The interchange kicked off when Massa got a little sideways in turn one erasing the gap between the two drivers, using the DRS to move into a possible overtaking position.
It was on the second lap when the McLaren was able to get alongside the Ferrari into turn three, forcing Massa to run a tighter line compromising his exit. Naturally Lewis capitalised on the slow exit speed drawing alongside into turn five - not really an overtaking area by any stretch of the imagination, it would only work if the other driver gave up. Considering this was not the Ferrari of Alonso who likes giving up as per Korea - and also the joyous friendship these two had conceding position wasn't on the agenda - inevitably the pattern of the season dictated that contact was made, damaging the front wing and spinning the Ferrari out. Now this is the interesting bit - here we have a racing incident with both parties equally displeased at each other not wanting to yield at all - but the stewards threw a drive through penalty at Massa. A ruling that boggles the mind (one EJ agreed with but he's insane) with all the decision making skills of a vegetable patch.
However within the lunacy of the whole situation the ultimate highlight was the reaction of Rowan Atkinson in the McLaren garage, which was immensely hilarious and was very Mr Bean-esque with the famous expressions painted upon his face.
Attrition was starring to play a role in the race, seeing mechanical failures for both Maldonado and Sebastien Buemi - which in the modern era of F1 is rather unusual - then life for Felipe Massa was getting even worse when his front wing began to resonate as the speeds increased with the low fuel. The floppy nose had to be changed in case it disintegrated, but within laps of returning to the circuit he decided to get a little more intimate with the curbs once again. Giving them a fair clout with the front left suspension this time in the same chicane with the same result - broken suspension and retirement.
But that signalled the end of the main course of the race, and plunged the race into a second phase of inactivity, where more pit-stop phases were completed - teams slowly shifting onto the harder compound for the final phase. At the very front all by themselves Jenson has closed in on Vettel but the German bloke had enough pace to keep him at arms length. So with nothing better to do several drivers started to wave rather frantically from the cockpit - and who was the target of their rage - well it was the local man, Narain, who was doing a naff job of being lapped.
Instead of brining out a brilliant desert to round off the race, there was only a lukewarm coffee and a stale biscotti biscuit to round off the event, and that biscuit was delivered by the remaining Torro Rosso of Jaime El Incognito who was making progress. Moving towards the front of the division one pack passing Bruno Senna who was yet to stop and Adrian Sutil to claim 8th position. The battle for the final points scoring position was less of a battle and more of a procession as Sutil had dropped One-Stop Perez who held Wing Commander Petrov for Renault Squadron. Although formation flying duties in the past few races seem to be held by the Mercedes Luftwaffe who were again in position further up the road.
The cold coffee was drained down the throat of the race and it was the German bloke once more who left the party in front claiming another win and taking the record for the most laps lead in a single season. Behind him Two-Cakes-Up Button proved once more to be the only man to come close to challenging Vettel, while Alonso rounded out the podium. Webber having lost out in the pit stops had fallen down to fourth place a significant margin clear of the German air force, who in turn finished ahead of the even more miserable now Hamilton in 7th. Alguersuari finished 8th, claiming the top division 2 spot ahead of the home favourite Force India team represented by Sutil, One-stop Perez rounded out the points scoring positions from a poor qualifying performance.
The Official Bonus Points Championship points winners
In a race which for the most part was about as entertaining as a bowl of rice pudding there was the occasional sultana to make things a little interesting. Those sultanas may not deserve bonus points considering they were accident related but I'm sure points can be given out somewhere on the grid - or outside it all.
10pts - One-stop Perez - for dragging an under performing car from the very bottom of Q2 into the points
8pts - Rowan Atkinson - for the greatest trackside expression in the history of the universe
6pts - Heikki Kovalainen - for being far and away the best of the newer cars - yes he only beat Rubens because of his wing change, but on pace decimating division three
5pts - Helen & Paul - for throwing a brilliant party - I apologies for being a poor guest but that was no reflection on the quality of the event well done
4pts - Holly - for countering my rather poor efforts in 'Sweet home Alabama' to make it sound like a song rather than the mess I turned it in to... think I'll stick to this side of a computer screen for now
3pts - Jenson Button - for still being the only car to really be able to challenge the pace of Vettel
2pts - Jaime El Incognito - for being the leader of the highly competitive division two
1pt - India - for putting together an impressive facility - just the opening year the wide overtaking zones were too dusty to use and hampered the racing.
The Also official Penalties Championship
After dishing out some penalties in first session of the race weekend, the stewards were back in play now for the final phase of the event, both before and during the race itself and these were handed out as follows.
In a race which for the most part was about as entertaining as a bowl of rice pudding there was the occasional sultana to make things a little interesting. Those sultanas may not deserve bonus points considering they were accident related but I'm sure points can be given out somewhere on the grid - or outside it all.
10pts - One-stop Perez - for dragging an under performing car from the very bottom of Q2 into the points
8pts - Rowan Atkinson - for the greatest trackside expression in the history of the universe
6pts - Heikki Kovalainen - for being far and away the best of the newer cars - yes he only beat Rubens because of his wing change, but on pace decimating division three
5pts - Helen & Paul - for throwing a brilliant party - I apologies for being a poor guest but that was no reflection on the quality of the event well done
4pts - Holly - for countering my rather poor efforts in 'Sweet home Alabama' to make it sound like a song rather than the mess I turned it in to... think I'll stick to this side of a computer screen for now
3pts - Jenson Button - for still being the only car to really be able to challenge the pace of Vettel
2pts - Jaime El Incognito - for being the leader of the highly competitive division two
1pt - India - for putting together an impressive facility - just the opening year the wide overtaking zones were too dusty to use and hampered the racing.
The Also official Penalties Championship
After dishing out some penalties in first session of the race weekend, the stewards were back in play now for the final phase of the event, both before and during the race itself and these were handed out as follows.
- HRT - both drivers started from the back row of the grid citing some form of penalty of a mysterious nature, stealing onion bhajis from Force India perhaps, something that needs figuring out
- Felipe Massa - drive through penalty - handed to Massa for a racing incident, perhaps after seeking the advice from a magic 8 ball instead of using actually intelligence.
The Still Official Dubious Dealings Championship
There are the official penalties that the FIA stewards hand out and then there are these penalty points to he handed out to those the officials miss out or have now authority over. Here are the penalty points winners from the Indian GP
- The Stewards: A fairly obvious penalty point for the one of the most mad decisions of the year, if not the most deranged
- My vocal system: For generally being completely and utterly incompetent - there only to inject a little ounce of humiliation into life
- Columbo - For impersonating my costume, yes my effort was rather poor and lacked conviction and I probably deserved the lack of identification but still - I also blame Columbo
Looking on to Abu Dhabi
Heading off now to the penultimate round of the season which is a shame really, knowing the season is so close to completion, on the cusp of plunging us into the dark and murky waters of the off-season. A lonely world where cars are locked away in their secretive workshops and factories across the world, but mainly in the south.
However before we fall into the abyss motor-racing forgot - we head off into the most futuristic track on the calendar, a world powered by LEDs and glowing colour changing buildings. Where the pit lane burrows under the racetrack and hotels tower across it, Abu Dhabi offers one of the more spectacular sights of the season in race that tears through the evening and dives into the twilight hours of the night. A track however that is not without its flaws, a product of the pseudo street track design plan - it's too busy in places with sequences of unnecessary corners, focussing too much on the spectacle and compromising the racing.
But it is a track built in the modern era and as a result fits perfectly into the DRS/KERs design plan with long straights leading into tight chicanes there to encourage contact and damage, which in turn will set the random penalty generator into motion if this race is anything to go by. So on paper, if this was actually on any form of paper, the race this year sounds rather exciting even though the championship is not on offer when the cars set wheel in the Emirates this time round.
We have a fortnight before next race, so until then this is farewell from this little corner of the internet.
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